“Cheney Satan ’08” by futureatlas.com


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AMERICA IN FIVE WORDS by Galanty Miller   |Dick Cheney protecting your freedoms. |“You are the father!” – Povich |We’re a nation of law… yers. |Colleges offer video game scholarships. |My Congressman’s name is… ummm. |Segregation is no longer intentional. |Our 51st state is McDonald’s. |Top one percent own us. |Protesting police brutality is bad? |Freedom to ignore Taylor Swift. |Congress vows to overturn healthcare. |Forty-four Presidents, not one woman. |My Constitutional right to party. |Airlines once gave free meals. |Oprah and Octomom: both Americans. |Congressmen are wealthy public servants. |Kanye took away our innocence. |Our guns better than yours|Congressional pay raises for everyone|Our rock stars die young. |We help kids in wells. |Our nation’s capital is Branson. |9/11 changed everything but ignorance. |Sorry about that slavery thing. | Donald Trump’s living American dream. | True patriotism replaced by selfies. |We barely know five words. |We’re almost out of beer. |Kardashians are richer than you. |Athletes make more than teachers. |People voted for Sarah Palin. |Iran doesn’t have a Hooters. |The American Dream involves weed. |Land of the free downloads. |Murderers imprisoned for smoking pot. |Lincoln spinning in his grave |Harry Potter is practically American. |We’re funnier than North Korea. |We already forgot the Alamo. |Inequality is fair and balanced. |Gay marriage threatening traditional prejudice. |We just want more followers. |AWESOME is only one word. |George Washington, Jefferson, Clooney, Jetson. |Freedom for rich white people. |The Kardashians are television stars. |We only torture if necessary. |We don’t know how to count.  
Galanty Miller is a successful playwright, speechwriter, joke writer, and… well, regular writer. His work has appeared on Comedy Central, the Independent Film Channel, the Onion, the Huffington Post, theatrical stages, and in the national political arena. And he is a “Top Cop” in Us Weekly Magazine’s popular Fashion Police section. His articles appear regularly in Ragazine.
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Polar Vortex #1 |  Winter 2014      photo credit: Jonathan Kane